tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56128477783884193752024-03-08T13:07:07.897-08:00Face, I'd like you to meet Palm. I think you two are going to be spending a lot of time together.I like to criticize people without them knowing, what better way than blogging?Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-31180576133064868862011-01-31T08:17:00.000-08:002011-01-31T08:23:20.346-08:00To feel something.So I'm doing better.<div>Way better.</div><div>And by way better, I mean just a little bit better.</div><div>I don't know what to make of life right now.</div><div>But I know that I don't want to stay here anymore.</div><div>When the weather gets warmer, I want to leave.</div><div>Just take off and go somewhere.</div><div>California.</div><div>Florida.</div><div>Seattle.</div><div>Somewhere.</div><div>I'll make friends, I'll meet people.</div><div>I won't be me anymore.</div><div>I'll be changed.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'll abandon everything, you know.</div><div>Just to travel about and learn more about myself.</div><div>Learn more about my fears.</div><div>About my past.</div><div>About what I want in my future.</div><div>I'll find new paths, and I will tread them all.</div><div><br /></div><div>This isn't really a fail blog, ladies and gentlemen.</div><div>I have no humorous words to share.</div><div>I've been hurt.</div><div>I've been beaten.</div><div>And I want to see that there is something more out there.</div><div>I won't grow if I stay here.</div><div>I know that.</div><div>But I don't want to go alone.</div><div>At least, not at first.</div><div><br /></div><div>I want someone to come with me.</div><div>Someone to abandon everything and just leave with me.</div><div>Until we're ready to go off on our own.</div><div>Tread our own paths.</div><div>If they cross again, then good.</div><div>But one does not go out into the world to see people they already know.</div>Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-66917598119390420872011-01-29T06:24:00.000-08:002011-01-29T06:57:54.651-08:00Children.This blog today is being brought to you by a pissed off blogger.<div>I'm not a bad person. </div><div>Honest.</div><div>I'm actually kind and sweet in person.</div><div>You know, sometimes.</div><div>But would you honestly like to know why I'm so bitter?</div><div>I am constantly let down by men.</div><div>AKA: Children.</div><div>AKA: The reason I'm sure many girls off themselves.</div><div><br /></div><div>So let me tell you a story.</div><div>We go back a ways, back to the dawn of this blog.</div><div>Back to when I was in love with someone we'll call Jack.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, I was living with Jack in another state, far from home.</div><div>And I was in love.</div><div>However, for reasons I don't care to list, I had to move back home to Virginia.</div><div>And then he dumped the shit out of me.</div><div>So, just three weeks after this relationship of almost 3 years ended, I started dating someone else.</div><div>We'll call him Douchefag.</div><div><br /></div><div>Well, Douchefag and I hit it off wonderfully.</div><div>But I'm crazy.</div><div>I dump the shit out of him.</div><div>Why? Well, several reasons.</div><div>I was still in love with Jack, I wasn't ready for a commitment, and Douchefag was moving too fast for me.</div><div>6 months of tedious back-and-forth bullshit later, I realize I've fallen for Douchefag.</div><div>But he told me he was moving.</div><div>So I didn't say anything.</div><div>Couple weeks later, I find out he's staying.</div><div>I'm excited. I'm fucking ecstatic.</div><div>But, as it turns out, he's got feelings for one of my friends.</div><div><ul><li><b>Heartbreak #1.</b></li></ul></div><div>We'll call that friend Ron.</div><div>Well, Ron didn't know I was in love with this guy.</div><div>Upon finding out, he backed off completely.</div><div>Or so I thought.</div><div>Douchefag told me he wanted to be with me, not Ron.</div><div>His exact words, "I can't imagine waking up without you next to me."</div><div><br /></div><div>Two days later, he says he feels nothing for me.</div><div><ul><li><b>Heartbreak #2.</b></li></ul></div><div>I'm shattered.</div><div>Hell, I'm two feet away from a bottle of pills and the angel on my shoulder dipped out days ago.</div><div>So I'm in a bad place.</div><div>But these two tell me they won't get together because of me.</div><div>They both care about me too much to hurt me like that.</div><div>So what do I tell them?</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me:: </b>Fuck how I feel. If you two are happy together, then do it up. Honestly. Don't let my petty feelings stop you from being together.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Them::</b> Ohmygawsh, thank you kind woman!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> Eh, it's what I do.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Only problem is, Ron has a psycho ex-boyfriend. We'll call him Tom.</div><div>They're still living together, sleeping with each other.</div><div>And Douchefag and I are receiving numerous reports of this ex beating Ron up.</div><div>Ron comes over bruised and scratched and crying.</div><div>We console him.</div><div>We get drunk.</div><div>We go to Tom and Ron's house with every intention of kicking Tom's ass.</div><div>With a broken fret board.</div><div>We don't even see the guy, we're just drunk and fighting and I'm a crying drunk mess.</div><div>And Douchefag is being a douche, but hey, it was an emotional time.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, for the next few weeks I am nothing but the greatest fucking friend to Douchefag.</div><div>I am doing everything I can for him.</div><div>I am still in love with him, so of course I'm doing all I can to help him out in any way.</div><div>And then he tells me he doesn't want to be with Ron.</div><div>Turns out Ron isn't who Douchefag thought he was.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douche::</b> I'm disgusted by him. I hate being near him. I still love you. I'm so happy when I'm around you.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> You mean that?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douche::</b> Yes.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> You promise?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douche::</b> Yes.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me:: </b>Alright, then let's do it up.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>And then Douchefag moves in with Ron and starts fucking him.</div><div><ul><li><b>Heartbreak #3.</b></li></ul></div><div>So I start dating someone else, but that's irrelevant to this plot-line.</div><div>Douchefag never officially hooks it up with Ron.</div><div>I'm still in love with him, but working to get over him.</div><div>And then I find out that Douchefag has a new boyfriend.</div><div>Tom.</div><div>Wait, what? </div><div>Yes, well I guess the gay population isn't the greatest in this area.</div><div>Can't be too picky.</div><div>Thing is, Douchefag has NO idea that this Tom is Ron's ex.</div><div>I give Douchefag fair warning.</div><div>But meh.</div><div>Nobody listens to me.</div><div><br /></div><div>So shit happens, I'm single, and Douchefag breaks up with Tom.</div><div>Gets ahold of me.</div><div>And Tom, I hope you're reading this.</div><div>Douchefag tells me, once again, he wants me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Remember, these are all quotes written as verbatim as possible.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me:: </b>You just broke up with him today, why are you telling me you love me and you want me?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douchefag::</b> Because there were so many times when I was with him and I thought, "Why can't you be more like Charlotte?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> I'm head over heels in love with you, Douchefag. I've tried getting over you, but I just can't. Do you actually mean it this time? You actually want to get back together?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douchefag:</b> Yes.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> Alright. Well, why don't you come over to my house tomorrow? We'll hang out.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>There were also plans made for the first and second time we would be having sex again.</div><div>Second time, we'd wear silly hats.</div><div>And his exact words:</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Me::</b> If/when we do it again....</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>Douchefag::</b> Don't worry, it's definitely going to happen.</span></div><div><br /></div><div>No if's about it.</div><div>Just a matter of when.</div><div><br /></div><div>So he comes over the next day.</div><div>I'm so happy to see him.</div><div>I'm ecstatic.</div><div>Seriously, people, I would follow this man to the ends of the earth.</div><div>Through hell, hurt, and hunger, I would follow him.</div><div>And he tells me he didn't mean what he said.</div><div><ul><li><b>Heartbreak #4.</b></li></ul></div><div>He just says the timing is off.</div><div>It wouldn't be fair to anyone if he got together with me.</div><div>I wasn't expecting us to be together anytime soon, but I was expectant.</div><div>But no.</div><div>I fell for it again.</div><div>Couple days later, it's facebook official that they're back together.</div><div>This morning, I see that they're engaged.</div><div>Well, now I'm three feet away from a bottle of pills and the angel on my shoulder hasn't shown up yet.</div><div>But instead of racing to swallow them all down, I'm bitching online.</div><div>And Douchefag, if you're reading this, I wish you all the happiness in the world.</div><div>I truly do.</div><div>But I will not be your friend.</div><div>I will not be your acquaintance.</div><div>And when shit goes down, I won't be there for you.</div><div>Not for a long time.</div><div>Not until you can honestly apologize.</div><div>Because I'm still crying over you.</div><div>And I shouldn't have to do that.</div><div>Peace out.</div>Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-15690600731055701192010-06-24T20:46:00.000-07:002010-06-24T21:00:05.698-07:00Holy shit.I fucking graduated high school, readers.<br /><br />Excuse me while I celebrate this bitch.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: /drinks massive amount of alcohol.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: You're only 18. That's illegal.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Fuck off, man, I can... I canoo what I want. You're not the bosh of menymore.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: I can call the authorities on you.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Oh, shhhiit man why you... Why you gotta bring down the fun?</span><br /><br /><br />Yeah, it was great.<br />I got a fucking tattoo.<br />Hurt like hell, but I didn't cry.<br />Just complained.<br />A lot.<br />Begged him to stop.<br />Started actually praying.<br />To GOD.<br />Yeah, that bad.<br /><br /><br />But what fails?<br />Well, fucking girly emotions.<br />Those fucking suck.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: Aren't you a girl?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: What? No.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: But... Your name is Charlotte.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Yes.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: And you have a vagina.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Your point?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: You're a fucking girl, man.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: .... /permaban.</span><br /><br /><br />Little hint;<br />Don't call the Tiny One [me] a girl.<br />Makes me fill with generic rage.<br /><br />I may have boobs, vag, and the ability to cook, but I ain't no fucking girl.<br />I got a 4 foot long cock [and that's when it's soft.]<br />I ain't afraid to violate you with it.<br /><br />But the thing I hate about these icky girly emotions is that they make me, oh what's the word....<br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: Feel?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: That's the one.</span><br /><br />See, I enjoy being a heartless, sarcastic, annoying little pixie.<br />Makes me happy as shit.<br />What I don't enjoy is, ugh... Feeling.<br />At least, I dislike feeling things over shit that don't matter.<br />Like what people think of me.<br />Yeah, that's right.<br />I've actually been caring about what people think of me.<br />I've fallen so far...<br /><br />But enough of that!<br />I want to talk to you about prostitution.<br />.... Kinda.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Hey, Reader? I got a question.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: Go for it.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Well, can you be trashy, but not slutty?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: If it's you, then I don't think so.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: .... What's that mean?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: You're tiny, angry, and full of sarcasm. If you're also trashy, I can only conclude that you're slutty as well.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Thank you for being honest, at least.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: You're.... Thanking me? No permaban? So insults?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Me:: Nah. I ran out of insults last night when I was fucking your mom in her loose ass.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Reader:: .... Ouch.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I'll have more interesting shit in my next blog.<br />No promises.<br /><br />I GRADUATED.<br />THAT MEANS I'M A FUCKING PERSON NOW.<br />SUCK IT. I'M INTEGRATING INTO SOCIETY AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME.<br />/blogCharlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-32258752026438610822010-04-22T09:30:00.001-07:002010-04-22T10:57:18.454-07:00All the single ladies...Righto.<br />So it's been like, forever since we've done one of these things~<br />So let's jump into this shit.<br /><br />I moved back to Virginia.<br />My boyfriend broke up with me.<br />Hurray!<br />I don't understand why.<br />I'm such a loving and nice person.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: -raises eyebrow-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Fuck off. I can delude myself.</span><br /><br />So what to talk about today?<br />What fails lately?<br /><br />EVERYTHING.<br />Fuck high school.<br />Fuck drama.<br />Fuck people.<br />Fuck supposed "best friends."<br /><br />I would elaborate on all of that, but my goal is to rid my life of drama.<br />And elaborating might cause a little bit.<br />So I gotta stay hush hush on that.<br /><br />But people at my school fail pretty fucking hard.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Adam West:: Would you like an example, I think you would.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: Adam... West? What are you doing here?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Adam West:: I was looking for my dog when I realized I don't have one, so I came here.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: .... Charlotte, you've fallen pretty far on the funny scale. Which is saying something.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Well, you're still reading this so obviously I'm doing something right.</span><br /><br />So let me tell you this story.<br />All characters depicted in this story are entirely fictional, so don't think I'm talking about you.<br />Even though I am.<br /><br /><br />I was chilling, just minding my own business.<br />And then I realize I have to do my fucking homework.<br />Fail out the ass.<br />So I start doing it, you know.<br />Like the responsible teenager I am.<br />And this chick walks up.<br />I'mma call her Tasha.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: What are you doing?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Homework.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: Oh. Look, we're short a player. Wanna play Skip-Bo with us?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I'm doing homework.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: When's it due?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Next class.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: Oh, okay. Please play Skip-Bo?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: .... I'd rather choke on glitter than try to explain that I have to do my homework to you.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: You can do it next class.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: No, I can't, now gtfo.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: Whatever.</span><br /><br />So she walks off to go play her stupid little card game while I work.<br />Then I hear her from across the room.<br />Talking about me.<br />Fun.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: She makes no sense and she's so stupid, blah blah blah shitty gossip talk.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">Pink Ranger:: I know, why doesn't she just do her homework next class?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Tasha:: Maybe she thinks she's too good to play with us.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Red Ranger:: That's a laugh. Her being too good for anything is just hilarious.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me [Loudly]:: Sorry I want to graduate the year I'm supposed to, Red Ranger. I know you failed in that task, but don't look down your nose at others trying.</span><br /><br />For those of you unaware, the Red Ranger failed English. Twice. So she's supposed to be a senior but is, instead, only a sophomore.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Red Ranger:: If you have something to say, say it to my face.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me [After looking up from my homework]:: Sorry I want to graduate the year I'm supposed to, Red Ranger. I know you failed in that task, but don't look down your nose at others trying. Is that better? Is that cool with you?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Red Ranger:: Whatever.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: The perfect argument. "Whatever." Sorry, that statement is too logical for me to debate with any further.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Red Ranger:: Yeah.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: /commences work.</span><br /><br />So as if that wasn't bad enough, about fifteen minutes later I see the Power Pack fast at work writing something down.<br />I wasn't curious.<br />Not at all.<br />But I did kinda wonder what they were writing and laughing about while looking up at me every few seconds.<br /><br />So the bell rings. We get ready to go.<br />Someone "accidentally" bumps into me.<br />I knew better.<br />Years of being bullied and teased has taught me better.<br />So I reach up and pull off a sign that says,<br />"I think I'm better than everyone else.<br />Please kick me to teach me a thing or two."<br /><br />Huh. And it even had little doodles and meanie faces drawn on it.<br />Except they misspelled everyone. And two.<br />It really said, "i think im better then every1 else<br />please kick me 2 teach me a thing or too"<br /><br />I shit you not.<br />Listen up, people.<br />If you're going to insult me via text,<br />Insult me with proper spelling and grammar.<br />Christ.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-68938765881002823342010-02-13T20:29:00.000-08:002010-02-13T20:37:08.805-08:00Ugh.... Valentine's DaySo I haven't posted in a while.<br />I got shit to do, mother fucker.<br /><br /><br />In 30 minutes from now, it will be Valentine's day.<br />Now, I'm not a mushy kind of girl when it comes to shit like this.<br />In fact, I got my boyfriend a card that plays "Pretty Woman" when he opens it.<br />For the lulz.<br />See? I got a sense of humor.<br /><br /><br />But this is my first valentine's day in which I have a boyfriend.<br />So I was kind of thinking it would be, I don't know, different?<br />Nope.<br />I still think it's a shit holiday.<br /><br />BUT! I can take advantage of it.<br />In like, 2 days all of the V-day candy will be on sale.<br />And I will be buying all of it.<br />Because that's how I roll.<br />Most romantic thing to me is a good deal.<br /><br />-sighs- I don't have much to rant about today, reader.<br />OH! I do.<br />I just remembered that I forgot to tell you that I had a visit from the slag-whore.<br />I wasn't happy about this.<br />Wasn't happy at all.<br />But she was willing to drive 7 hours to see me for an hour and then drive back.<br />14 hours of driving just to see me for an hour.<br />There had to be a catch.<br />There had to be a fucking catch somewhere.<br />But no.<br />She was genuine.<br />I was in shock, people.<br />AND she gave me money.<br />A lot of it.<br />150 bucks, man.<br />[To me, who is without a job, that's a lot.]<br /><br />Reader, I have renewed hope for people.<br />Even for the slag-whore.<br /><br />Well, that's all I have to say this time.<br />Fuck valentine's day.<br />Fuck the slag-whore.<br />I miss Virginia.<br /><br />Peace.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-21516923279090579162010-01-11T13:03:00.000-08:002010-01-11T13:12:49.732-08:00Dear goodness, it's been a while.And guess who fails today?<br />That's right!<br />The Christians!<br />More specifically, the Westboro Baptist Church.<br /><br /><br />If you've never heard of them, then you fail.<br />These guys are fucking bananas.<br />You should check out their homepage.<br />www.godhatesfags.com<br />Oh yeah.<br />That's their homepage alright.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: But why do they fail, Charlotte?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I'm glad you asked, Reader. You see, they hate Lady Gaga.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: -le gasp!-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Indeed, Reader. In fact, they hate her so much, the re-wrote and recorded a parody of her song Poker Face.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: You're shitting me.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: That I am not, Reader.</span><br /><br /><br />So yeah.<br />God hates the world, apparently.<br />I mean he hates me.<br />You.<br />Your child.<br />Your fetus if you're pregnant.<br />And you're going to hell.<br />Yay!!!<br /><br />No love from this god.<br />Just hate.<br /><br />Well, MY god is [GM]Dave.<br />Seems like a just god to me.<br />He don't like you, he feeds you to Jormy.<br />And since I'm still around, I must not have pissed him off.<br /><br />At least I hope not.<br /><br /><br />But anyways.<br /><br />Other news.<br />Since it has been a while...<br /><br />Well, I joined an IRC channel group thingy.<br />Fun times, let me tell you.<br /><br />And my boyfriend has been withholding sex from me.<br />Oh, yeah.<br />None for the Charlotte, mm-mmm.<br />She has to wait.<br />Wait for what?<br />I don't know.<br /><br />I'm going out of my mind.<br /><br />In case you didn't know, where most humans are fueled by trivial things like food and water,<br />I am fueled by sex.<br />You give it to me and, damnit, you be glad I'm asking.<br />You don't get to take it from me.<br />That's a woman's job.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Reader:: Aren't you a woman?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Thank you, Sir Obvious. But I'm not the one taking it away and using it to get what I want, am I?</span><br /><br /><br />I think I'm dying...<br />Oh well.<br /><br />P.E.A.C.E.<br />People Eating All the Crazy Elves.<br />[I just made that up.]<br /><br />Bye.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-41637732580565612002009-12-27T10:09:00.000-08:002009-12-27T10:18:57.202-08:00Worst. Xmas. Ever.Okay, so you guys wanna know how I spent my Christmas evening?<br />Writhing in pain in the bathroom.<br />Thanks for the food poisoning, Santa!<br />I really fucking appreciate it.<br /><br /><br /><br />My body was so fucked up, man.<br />I lost 6 pounds in one night.<br />Now I know why chicks go bulimic.<br />Results, man.<br />Fucking results.<br /><br />But, I am all better now.<br />[Yay!]<br /><br />And what have I got in store for you today?<br />Why, another fail story!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Reader:: HOSHIT, FAIL!!! YAY!!!!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Calm the fuck down.</span><br /><br />So what's the fail story for today, you ask?<br />Wal-Mart.<br />Yup.<br /><br />I went there last night to get my ass some medicine.<br />I get in line to check out, and we all know how the day after christmas lines are at Wal-Mart.<br />So after waiting 20 goddamn minutes, the chick starts ringing up my items.<br />Chicken Noodle Soup.<br />Cold Medicine.<br />Ramen Noodles.<br />Ice Cream.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: Do you need this medicine?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Uhh... Yeah.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: Do you have a fever?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Yes, I do.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: Did you like, drive here?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: My boyfriend drove me.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: You need to be 18 to buy this medicine.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I am 18. -goes to get ID-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: I don't need to see your ID. -puts medicine away-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Look, are you my fucking doctor? No? Then give me the damn medicine.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: You must be 18 to buy this medicine, miss.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I am 18. Here's my ID.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 102, 102);">Girl:: I don't need to see your ID. -rings up medicine and puts it in bag-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Thank you very fucking much. -pays and leaves-</span><br /><br />Now this might not seem very fail to you.<br />But I mean what the HELL was wrong with this chick?<br />Firstly, she looked stoned to ba-jesus.<br />Secondly, she was fucking stupid.<br /><br />This is why I hate Wal-Mart.<br />God damn.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Reader:: That's all? That's all you have to rant about today?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Yup.</span>Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-89786239361628595552009-12-25T20:49:00.000-08:002009-12-25T21:06:20.553-08:00Merry Mother Fucking Xmas<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Christfag:: You should say Christmas. Saying Xmas takes the Christ out of Christmas!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that you people have no clue what you're talking about.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Christfag:: ... Huh?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: It was originally a Pagan winter solstice holiday that you fucktards decided to play "Pin The birthdate of the Jesus" on.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Christfag:: That's just internet nonsense.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Right. And I net the German tradition of the decorated tree is, too. Oh, and Santa is the devil.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Christfag:: -More religious nonsense-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: -Lack of creativity. Bored with this conversation. Goes to make a sammich-</span><br /><br /><br />Oh, hey bloggers.<br />Happy Christmas to all.<br /><br />Also, not trying to hate on the Christians.<br />Just gtfo my pagan holiday.<br />For real.<br />Mine was there first.<br /><br />Onto some other stuff...<br />I got some presents and I feel like bragging.<br /><br />-Nice earrings<br />-Nail polish [Because all I have is black and my sister-in-law wants to see a change]<br />-100 bucks<br />-Iron Tea Pot [WIN]<br />-Two awesome shirts<br />-And, last but not least at all; <span style="font-weight: bold;">A SUPER FUCKING AWESOME HARRY POTTER MUG</span>. It's black and it says "I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good" and you put hot cocoa/coffee in it and it turns white and says "Mischief Managed."<br />[You can guess which present was my favorite.]<br />[[Don't be jealous, Riah.]]<br /><br />Oh, and by the way, I'm starting a Youtube channel soon.<br />www.youtube.com/user/omgitsatree<br />Lame fucking name?<br />You betcha.<br /><br />I have another one called FlaggedF0rPvp, but my boyfriend says that one is lame.<br />Also remembered that I have another called EpicFaceDesk<br /><br />Which one do you, the reader, think I should use for my channel?<br />Leave your decision in the comment section below.<br /><br />Also, how the fuck to I get my camera to record video in non-.MOV format?<br />For serious.<br />Pisses me off cuz I can't edit them or upload them.<br /><br />Also also, why the fuck do I have three youtube accounts?<br />Shit's gay.<br /><br />-sighs- My head hurts.<br />I threw up a little bit ago.<br />Not feeling too hot.<br />And boyfriend is off playing Combat Arms.<br /><br />Yay, my life is awesome.<br />:]<br /><br />This is a short blog, I know.<br /><br />Not a lot to rant about today.<br /><br />Oh, I'm going to hopefully be purchasing a violin tomorrow with my Xmas munnies.<br />Huzzah.<br />That's about it.<br /><br />Now, tell me which user account to use for my new VLOGs.<br />-omgitsatree<br />-FlaggedF0rPvP<br />-EpicFaceDesk<br /><br />Also, tell me why.<br />Kinda like EpicFaceDesk so I can just call my VLOG the EFD show.<br />Like omgitsatree because it rhymes and isn't trying to be cool like you posers.<br /><br />Anyways, let me know what you think.<br />Peace.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-26268296626770694942009-12-20T14:38:00.000-08:002009-12-20T14:49:03.919-08:00Where the hell have I been?You find yourself not asking me?<br />Awww, you're sweet to have noticed my absence.<br /><br />Well, let me tell you a tale.<br />'Tis a riveting ballad of how I FUCKING HATE TECHNOLOGY.<br /><br />Sorry.<br />Tourettes.<br /><br />Anywho, I recently re-formatted my laptop.<br />Fun times!<br /><br />Then I went on an adventure of figuring out which fucking drivers I needed to get the internet to work.<br /><br />Then I decided that the internet should eat me.<br /><br />I get the right driver. Alright. Making progress.<br />Only took a mother fucking week.<br /><br />Then I connect to my boyfriends router.<br />What's mine is yours kinda deal.<br /><br />Then I go to download Mozilla Firefox [Because IE can get raped by lions.]<br />So I google it.<br />Dear spirits, I love Google.<br /><br />Anyways, I'm waiting for the search engine to do my bidding when BAM<br />Internet go bye-bye.<br />Internet comes back!<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: That was weird. Oh well, I'm sure it won't happen again. *F5*</span><br /><br />Of course, we all know my life is full of fail, soo....<br /><br />BAM. Internet go bye-bye again.<br />Then it comes back.<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: Look here, you piece of shit...</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: *Disconnects*</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: ...... Cocksucker.</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: Oh, hello! How are you?</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: Why do you keep doing that?</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: Doing what?</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: *Disconnects*</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: What the-</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: Oh, hello! How are you?</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: I'm going to rape you in the-</span><br /><span style="color:#993399;">Internet:: *Disconnects*</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: SON OF A FUCKING WHORE.</span><br /><br /><br />Yeah. I'm sure the docs gonna LOVE my blood pressure this month.<br /><br />So I hate technology.<br />Gonna have to buy a new Wireless Network card.<br />Because this one is smiling at my anguish.<br />All smug and shit.<br />I just know it.<br /><br /><br />-sighs-<br /><br />So I stole my boyfriends laptop.<br />Read me some [GM]Dave.<br />Laughed.<br />A lot.<br /><br />His blood pressure has to beat mine by a long shot.<br />Oh well.<br /><br />SO. I wont be posting for a while.<br /><br />Gotta get this pice of shit up and running again.<br /><br />Maybe I'll just buy a new fucking laptop.<br /><br />That's it.<br /><br />Fuck this mess.<br /><br />I refuse to go bald over a fucking Dell laptop.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-19697267241425385342009-12-03T15:43:00.000-08:002009-12-03T16:21:42.774-08:00A big ol' can of crazy.Hey everyone.<br />And by everyone, I mean my two viewers.<br /><br /><br />Haven't had anything to write about in a few days.<br />And just today I thought to myself;<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Fuck. I haven't nothing to blog about. No fail stories. Nothing. This sucks.</span><br /><br />And then, something happened.<br /><br />You remember the slagwhore, right?<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);">Viewer:: You mean your mother?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: That's what I said. Slagwhore.</span><br /><br />Here's how the last conversation I HAD with her went.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Slagwhore:: Hey! I got a new cell phone and number!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: ... Okay? Why are you telling me?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Slagwhore:: So you could save this number in your phone.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I didn't have your last number saved in my phone.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: What makes you think I would save this one, too?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Slagwhore:: You're silly. I'll talk to you later, okay?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Furthermore, how the hell did you get this number?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">Slagwhore:: Bye!</span><br /><br /><br />Yeah. Not shitting you.<br /><br /><br />So I get a text today from my sister.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: Mom found your new school.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Dear what's his face in heaven. How?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: Called your last school and requested your transfer information.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I thought dad put her on the "THIS WOMAN IS BATSHIT CRAZY, DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING" list?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: He did. They're stupid. You know that.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Right. Go on.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: So she called the school they said they think you're transferring to.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: God help them.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: And she said they told her you were a student there.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: But... I'm not enrolled there yet. I haven't turned in the forms!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Sister:: Maybe she was bullshitting me. I don't know. Just be careful.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Gods help me.</span><br /><br /><br />So yeah.<br />My mother isn't <span style="font-style: italic;">allowed</span> that information from my school.<br />The divorce that occurred when I was 5 saw to that.<br /><br />So my dad hears this and is livid.<br />Granted he's the main reason why I moved out...<br />I can still sympathize with the man.<br /><br /><br />Now, what do you think your adorable, sweet, loving blogger would do at this point?<br /><br />That's right.<br /><br />I IMed the bitch.<br /><br />She was offline though, to the satisfaction of insulting her and then promptly logging off would not be given to me.<br />Still, I was nice and polite in the message.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: So I heard you're trying to find me.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 0);">::The Slagwhore is offline. It will receive your messages when it logs back in.::</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: A likely story.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Piece of advice? Don't.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I can understand you wanting to keep tabs on me, but this is borderline stalker-ish.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I know, I know. "I'm your mother, I should know these things, I haven't spoken to you in a year" blah blah blah.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: But you contacted my school and requested information you have no right to have.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Or do you not remember the court system raping your ass in that custody battle?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: If I were you, I wouldn't be able to forget the humiliation and pain and torment.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Oh wait, I was there. And even though I was 5 and had no idea what they were talking about, I still found it funny.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Like the time you were attacked by that dog.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Didn't know why it was attacking you, but I laughed my ass off all the same.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Anyways, back to my original point. What was it again? Oh yeah...</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: kthnxbai</span><br /><br /><br /><br />So my boyfriend is a giggling mess while I'm leaving her this message.<br /><br />He says it was because the look in my eyes was hilarious.<br /><br />I think it was because I was screaming, "Take this, and that, and some of this!" at my computer screen while I typed.<br /><br />Who knows.<br /><br /><br />But yeah.<br /><br />I'd rather go up against the fucking Rancor than have to deal with this shit.<br /><br />don't know what a rancor is?<br /><br />... anybody?<br /><br />No?<br /><br />You fail.<br /><br />BYECharlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-23717022585728416342009-11-29T12:16:00.000-08:002009-11-29T12:59:12.710-08:00I hate all of you.All of you.<br />I mean it.<br />I'm not trying to be funny.<br />[Well, okay. Maybe I am.]<br />But whatever.<br />Haven't seen you guys since Thanksgiving.<br />Well, I've got a lot of news for you.<br />Not that you care.<br />But I like to think that you do.<br /><br />So I moved.<br />Few of you know that I lived in VA Beach.<br />Now I'm in Pittsburgh.<br />Yay incredible distances.<br /><br />I'm not going to tell you my reasons for moving.<br />I'm too lazy.<br />But what I am going to do in this blog is, well...<br />Bitch.<br /><br />I've got a few people who read this.<br />I have no idea why.<br />But they do.<br /><br />Now for those of you who do read it, leave me some feedback.<br />I demand it.<br />Demand.<br /><br />I'm new to this whole blog thing.<br />Yeah, that's right.<br /><br />I'm a goddamn n00b.<br /><br />Think I care?<br /><br />Well you're right.<br /><br />I do.<br /><br />Now, either comment or gtfo.<br /><br />You can say anything.<br /><br />Find a news article you find riveting?<br />Did your 13 year old cousin get knocked up?<br />Lose 58 lbs on a Chinese take-out diet?<br />Well lemme know, bitches.<br /><br />I like to hear all the fail stories in the world.<br />And exploit them.<br /><br />Speaking of stories I can exploit, you gotta hear this.<br />Since my blog is called people-fail, I intend to inform you of just how much people do fail.<br />Like this one story.<br />[Link to story will be located at the bottom of blog so you know I'm not bullshitting you.]<br /><br /><br />There's this girl, right?<br />She's 15 years old, living in Missouri.<br />And, get this, murders this 9 year old girl.<br /><br />Now, I know what you're thinking.<br />"What in God's name was this girl thinking? Why would she do such a thing?!"<br />Some of you might assume it's because she had a good reason.<br />Maybe the 9 year old was attacking her with a monkey or something.<br />There has to be SOME reason, right?<br /><br />Well you would be wrong, my viewer.<br />She did it, and I do quote, "to see what it would feel like."<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Yeah, I'm kinda bored. I think I'm going to go kill a little girl just for the hell of it. Fuck ramifications!</span><br /><br />Now that you're sitting in your seats utterly stunned, I'm going to continue.<br />She planned this shit.<br />Planned it.<br />Had two graves dug up.<br /><br />Courts have decided to try her as an adult.<br />Her trial is set for sometime in December.<br />But what shocks me is that I can't find a single report that tells me what the second grave was for.<br /><br />Now it's been said that she's had severe depression since 2007.<br />As if that explains everything.<br /><br />Last I heard, people with severe depression tried to kiss <span style="font-style: italic;">themselves.</span><br />Not the 9 yr-old down the street.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">15 yr-old murderer:: My life sucks. Everything is miserable. Edward Cullen isn't real. Bitch bitch, ect. So instead of killing myself, which would seem logical since my life clearly sucks so much, I'm think I'll kill someone else.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: That doesn't seem too smart there, kid.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Murderer:: Whatever. Nobody cares what you think. And by the way... You're not funny.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Ouch! Talk about hitting below the belt, man. Not cool. Well, your life sucks and you'll pay for this later so I mean, whatever. Carry on.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Murderer:: There's that new guy down the street... no, he could probably kick my ass. Hmm... I could kill my mom, but then who would be there to give me attention? No, how about that little girl nearby? Yeah. That should do it.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: *eats popcorn*</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);">Murderer:: Now I feel guilty so I'm gonna tell police where she's buried even though nobody has been able to find her thus far and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be able to link me to it even if they DID find her.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: This stopped being funny 3 minutes ago.</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Okay, so maybe I'm a bad person for making fun of this chick.<br />But I mean come ON.<br />Bitch is stupid.<br />I'm pretty sure I've known 3 year olds smarter than this chick.<br /><br />And it just pisses me off so much that people are trying to defend her.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: She's just a child! Sending her to prison as an adult would be wrong!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: She committed premeditated murder.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: It's not her fault. She's depressed!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Depression doesn't make people kill little girls!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: You can't prove that!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: I don't have to. You're going to lose this case anyways.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: And what makes you think that?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: ... BECAUSE THE BITCH STABBED THIS GIRL TO DEATH, SLIT HER THROAT, AND BURIED HER.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: Yeah, but-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: SLIT HER THROAT.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: I know, but-<br /></span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: AND BURIED HER.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: If you would just-</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Not because she was depressed. She admitted it was because she wanted to know what it felt like.</span><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);"> BITCH IS CRAZY.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">Lawyer:: Exactly! So she should be in a mental institution.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Me:: Then send her to one, but don't try to pretend that this was beyond her. Bitch knew what she was doing. Knew it was wrong. Even felt guilty afterwards. She probably is mentally disturbed, but don't say 'go easy on her' because she's young.</span><br /><br /><br />Seriously, people.<br />Girls are maturing faster and faster at younger ages these days.<br />She's 15. She knew what she was doing. 3 years hardly makes any difference.<br />I think they were right to try her as an adult.<br />Maybe the bitch will learn not to stab little girls to death.<br /><br /><br />Oh well.<br />Decide for yourself.<br />I'm just gonna go make a sammich.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.columbiatribune.com/news/2009/nov/18/teen-certified-adult-olten-case/">CLICK THIS FOR STORY</a><br /><br />Bye.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-33239291506873644222009-11-26T17:03:00.000-08:002009-11-26T17:22:22.012-08:00Thanksgiving: Back with a VengeanceFuck this holiday.<br />What's the point anyway?<br /><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">Pilgrim:: Hey, naked savage.</span><br /><span style="color:#663300;">Native:: Welcome to our land. Would you like some corn?</span><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">Pilgrim:: No, but I will gladly rape you and give you lots of diseases.</span><br /><span style="color:#663300;">Native:: .... What?</span><br /><span style="color:#6600cc;">Pilgrim:: Yeah. Now bend the fuck over.</span><br /><br /><br />Yeah. Real nice holiday you got there.<br />But alas, it wasn't all bad.<br />Got a surprising call from my sister.<br /><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: What.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: Are you coming over?</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: Is the slagwhore <span style="color:#cc6600;">there</span>?</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: No. She couldn't make it.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: YOU LIE.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: No, I mean it. She's not here.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: You're lying. She's there. I can feel it in the force.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: Charlotte, mom's not here. She didn't have the money to make it out.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me. You just want me to think she's not there.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: Get me in your confidence, that's it. Well no, missy. I refuse.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: Okay, how about this? Drive over here. You'll see that her car isn't here.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: She's smart. She wouldhave parked somewhere. Or gotten a new car or something.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: Fine. No cranberry sauce for you.</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: ..... D:</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: See you in 10, then?</span><br /><span style="color:#cc6600;">Me:: I hate you.</span><br /><span style="color:#666600;">Sister:: I know.</span><br /><br /><br /><br />So yeah, I drove down and, naturally, the woman's car was not there. But I didn't trust it.<br />So I drove around the street, even checked the park nearby, all to make sure she wasn't there.<br />Didn't spot her shitty truck anywhere.<br />So I go to the house and as soon as I reach the front door, I remember something.<br />I don't know what her new car looks like.<br /><br />So I'm looking down the street, seeing all these foreign cars around.<br />My heart was racing.<br />They got me.<br />They fucking got me.<br />My sister answers the door.<br />I step inside...<br />She wasn't there.<br />I swear, it felt like finding Jesus under a rock.<br />[That fucker is harder to find than Waldo on Godmode.]<br />You know, the last page where EVERYONE is dressed as Waldo?<br />Hated that page.<br /><br /><br />So, 4 turkeys later, I go to my best friends house.<br />We ride four-wheelers.<br />Gossiped.<br />Made fun of drunk people.<br />Cut up shirts to make them look like they belong in the 70's.<br />You know.<br />Normal Thanksgiving stuff.<br /><br />Oh, and we watched a movie that failed.<br />Failed pretty hard.<br />It was another one of those prophecy movies with shitty acting.<br />The plot made no sense.<br />My brain turned to mush.<br />-sigh-<br />If you're interested, which I know you're not, it's called the Celestine Prophecy.<br />Pretty fail.<br /><br />Well, until people annoy me again.<br />~CharlotteCharlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-88303480578369056802009-11-26T08:04:00.000-08:002009-11-26T08:23:37.370-08:00Thanksgiving has never been so hard.Well hello imaginary friends that I like to think read my blog.<br />Aw, who am I kidding. Not even Bubbles and George would read this.<br /><br />At any rate, it's Thanksgiving and I swear to god, it's the worst I've ever had.<br />And it's only 12 in the afternoon.<br /><br />What makes this so terrible, you don't ask?<br />Well, allow me to explain.<br /><br />My father is out of town and I've been living with my best friend and her family for about a week.<br />I've got my older sister and her boyfriend wanting me over for their dinner.<br />And I've got my best friend who wants me over for her mother's dinner and her father's dinner.<br />[Yay, divorce.]<br />And then I've got another friend who wants me over at her house for dinner and to stay the night.<br /><br />But aside from all these choices I can make, I've just received the worst news in the world.<br />My mother is coming to town for my sister's dinner.<br />I can tell you where I don't want to be;<br />Anywhere within 50 miles of this woman.<br /><br />Now I know, I know.<br />"She's your mother! It's Thanksgiving! That's terrible!" Blah blah blah blah.<br />The thing *you* don't know about my mother is that I'm pretty sure the alien in the Alien movie was based off her.<br /><br />I know what you're thinking;<br />"She can't be that bad."<br />No, sir. You are very wrong.<br />This is the woman who gave birth to me, and then tried to sell me to a man she met on a BDSM website when I was 4 or 5.<br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: He's from Child Services, sweetie, it's okay.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Then why does he want me to take off my clothes?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: He wants to make sure your father hasn't been beating you.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: But you're the one who hits me. Not dadddy.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: Please don't be difficult, just do as he says.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Fine. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: And when your father comes back from overseas, let's keep this to ourselves</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Sure. Whatever you say, slagwhore.</span><br /><br />So I go out into the living room, clad in my Barbie underwear, and stand in front of the man.<br />I knew from the moment I saw him, there was no way this bastard was from CS.<br />First of all, he looked exactly like all the child molesters portrayed on TV.<br />Secondly, he was licking his lips and looking at me like a homeless man staring at a T-bone.<br /><br />So he starts telling me to pose, and all this other weird shit, before concluding that I look to much like a boy.<br />I've never let my hair grow back out after that.<br /><br />But back on topic;<br />So she's coming to town. Wants to see me, all this jazz.<br />But worst of all, she knows I'm moving in with my boyfriend this weekend and I know just how eager she is to stop that.<br />Like she has any right.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Sure, mom. I'll come live with you.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: Really?!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Yup. As soon as you pay up for the 6 birthdays and Christmas' you got my sister a gift but not me.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">Alien:: RAAAAHHHH!!!!!</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Next year, then?</span><br /><br /><br />Now I'm not trying to say she was a terrible, rotten, no-good whore of a woman.<br />But a lot of my blogs, you'll find, will have a little story with her attached to it.<br />You could say her fucked up way of life has taught me what NOT to do in situations.<br /><br />But the worst thing about this woman is that she denies anything she did when I was a kid.<br />And anything she obviously remembers, she thinks she was in the right.<br />Woman is bat-shit, people.<br />And she's close... I can feel it....<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: I think we'll need a bigger boat.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 255);">Brody:: I don't think that line works here, Char.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Hooper:: A for effort, though.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Stfu and get back in my head.</span><br /><br /><br />Well, I'll try to stick it out for the rest of the day.<br />If the story develops, I'll let you know.<br />Until then.Charlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5612847778388419375.post-61315064153452663152009-11-25T16:07:00.000-08:002009-11-25T16:36:37.610-08:00First Post; I hate freshmen.Hello everyone out there on the internet, my name is Charlotte Anne and I am fascinated by people on a daily basis.<br />And no, that is not a good thing.<br />This blog is going to consist mainly of my rantings directed towards those unsuspecting people.<br />Oh, and my "friends."<br />They'll never see it coming.<br />Until someone links them here.<br />Huh.<br /><br /><br /><br />I would like to start off, first and foremost, by saying that I don't like people much.<br />And it has nothing to do with me trying to be different or sticking it to the man.<br />It's because the people I encounter are generally very, very stupid.<br />Allow me to give you an example;<br /><br />I'm a Senior in high school currently, and I'm truly amazed at the stupidity of the freshmen at my school.<br />For instance, the lunch scene;<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: Does anyone at this table know what time this lunch period ends?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Freshman:: Time for you to get a watch.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: .... What?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Freshman:: You've never heard that joke before?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: I've never heard someone fail that hard before. My ears are fucking ringing.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Freshman:: What?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 153, 51);">Me:: I know the time. I want to know what time this lunch ends.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">Freshman:: Then why would you ask what time it is?</span><br /><br /><br />Are you there, God? If so, how the fuck was this guy able to survive childhood.<br />Surely he would have attempted to drink the blue liquid under the sink.<br />He must have been stoned out of his mind because it was like he couldn't even hear me.<br />Face, meet palm.<br />Until people annoy me again,<br />~CharlotteCharlotte Annehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06434823227864153377noreply@blogger.com0