November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving: Back with a Vengeance

Fuck this holiday.
What's the point anyway?

Pilgrim:: Hey, naked savage.
Native:: Welcome to our land. Would you like some corn?
Pilgrim:: No, but I will gladly rape you and give you lots of diseases.
Native:: .... What?
Pilgrim:: Yeah. Now bend the fuck over.

Yeah. Real nice holiday you got there.
But alas, it wasn't all bad.
Got a surprising call from my sister.

Me:: What.
Sister:: Are you coming over?
Me:: Is the slagwhore there?
Sister:: No. She couldn't make it.
Sister:: No, I mean it. She's not here.
Me:: You're lying. She's there. I can feel it in the force.
Sister:: Charlotte, mom's not here. She didn't have the money to make it out.
Me:: Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me. You just want me to think she's not there.
Me:: Get me in your confidence, that's it. Well no, missy. I refuse.
Sister:: Okay, how about this? Drive over here. You'll see that her car isn't here.
Me:: She's smart. She wouldhave parked somewhere. Or gotten a new car or something.
Sister:: Fine. No cranberry sauce for you.
Me:: ..... D:
Sister:: See you in 10, then?
Me:: I hate you.
Sister:: I know.

So yeah, I drove down and, naturally, the woman's car was not there. But I didn't trust it.
So I drove around the street, even checked the park nearby, all to make sure she wasn't there.
Didn't spot her shitty truck anywhere.
So I go to the house and as soon as I reach the front door, I remember something.
I don't know what her new car looks like.

So I'm looking down the street, seeing all these foreign cars around.
My heart was racing.
They got me.
They fucking got me.
My sister answers the door.
I step inside...
She wasn't there.
I swear, it felt like finding Jesus under a rock.
[That fucker is harder to find than Waldo on Godmode.]
You know, the last page where EVERYONE is dressed as Waldo?
Hated that page.

So, 4 turkeys later, I go to my best friends house.
We ride four-wheelers.
Made fun of drunk people.
Cut up shirts to make them look like they belong in the 70's.
You know.
Normal Thanksgiving stuff.

Oh, and we watched a movie that failed.
Failed pretty hard.
It was another one of those prophecy movies with shitty acting.
The plot made no sense.
My brain turned to mush.
If you're interested, which I know you're not, it's called the Celestine Prophecy.
Pretty fail.

Well, until people annoy me again.

1 comment: