November 29, 2009

I hate all of you.

All of you.
I mean it.
I'm not trying to be funny.
[Well, okay. Maybe I am.]
But whatever.
Haven't seen you guys since Thanksgiving.
Well, I've got a lot of news for you.
Not that you care.
But I like to think that you do.

So I moved.
Few of you know that I lived in VA Beach.
Now I'm in Pittsburgh.
Yay incredible distances.

I'm not going to tell you my reasons for moving.
I'm too lazy.
But what I am going to do in this blog is, well...

I've got a few people who read this.
I have no idea why.
But they do.

Now for those of you who do read it, leave me some feedback.
I demand it.

I'm new to this whole blog thing.
Yeah, that's right.

I'm a goddamn n00b.

Think I care?

Well you're right.

I do.

Now, either comment or gtfo.

You can say anything.

Find a news article you find riveting?
Did your 13 year old cousin get knocked up?
Lose 58 lbs on a Chinese take-out diet?
Well lemme know, bitches.

I like to hear all the fail stories in the world.
And exploit them.

Speaking of stories I can exploit, you gotta hear this.
Since my blog is called people-fail, I intend to inform you of just how much people do fail.
Like this one story.
[Link to story will be located at the bottom of blog so you know I'm not bullshitting you.]

There's this girl, right?
She's 15 years old, living in Missouri.
And, get this, murders this 9 year old girl.

Now, I know what you're thinking.
"What in God's name was this girl thinking? Why would she do such a thing?!"
Some of you might assume it's because she had a good reason.
Maybe the 9 year old was attacking her with a monkey or something.
There has to be SOME reason, right?

Well you would be wrong, my viewer.
She did it, and I do quote, "to see what it would feel like."

Me:: Yeah, I'm kinda bored. I think I'm going to go kill a little girl just for the hell of it. Fuck ramifications!

Now that you're sitting in your seats utterly stunned, I'm going to continue.
She planned this shit.
Planned it.
Had two graves dug up.

Courts have decided to try her as an adult.
Her trial is set for sometime in December.
But what shocks me is that I can't find a single report that tells me what the second grave was for.

Now it's been said that she's had severe depression since 2007.
As if that explains everything.

Last I heard, people with severe depression tried to kiss themselves.
Not the 9 yr-old down the street.

15 yr-old murderer:: My life sucks. Everything is miserable. Edward Cullen isn't real. Bitch bitch, ect. So instead of killing myself, which would seem logical since my life clearly sucks so much, I'm think I'll kill someone else.
Me:: That doesn't seem too smart there, kid.
Murderer:: Whatever. Nobody cares what you think. And by the way... You're not funny.
Me:: Ouch! Talk about hitting below the belt, man. Not cool. Well, your life sucks and you'll pay for this later so I mean, whatever. Carry on.
Murderer:: There's that new guy down the street... no, he could probably kick my ass. Hmm... I could kill my mom, but then who would be there to give me attention? No, how about that little girl nearby? Yeah. That should do it.
Me:: *eats popcorn*
Murderer:: Now I feel guilty so I'm gonna tell police where she's buried even though nobody has been able to find her thus far and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be able to link me to it even if they DID find her.
Me:: This stopped being funny 3 minutes ago.

Okay, so maybe I'm a bad person for making fun of this chick.
But I mean come ON.
Bitch is stupid.
I'm pretty sure I've known 3 year olds smarter than this chick.

And it just pisses me off so much that people are trying to defend her.

Lawyer:: She's just a child! Sending her to prison as an adult would be wrong!
Me:: She committed premeditated murder.
Lawyer:: It's not her fault. She's depressed!
Me:: Depression doesn't make people kill little girls!
Lawyer:: You can't prove that!
Me:: I don't have to. You're going to lose this case anyways.
Lawyer:: And what makes you think that?
Lawyer:: Yeah, but-
Lawyer:: I know, but-
Lawyer:: If you would just-
Me:: Not because she was depressed. She admitted it was because she wanted to know what it felt like. BITCH IS CRAZY.
Lawyer:: Exactly! So she should be in a mental institution.
Me:: Then send her to one, but don't try to pretend that this was beyond her. Bitch knew what she was doing. Knew it was wrong. Even felt guilty afterwards. She probably is mentally disturbed, but don't say 'go easy on her' because she's young.

Seriously, people.
Girls are maturing faster and faster at younger ages these days.
She's 15. She knew what she was doing. 3 years hardly makes any difference.
I think they were right to try her as an adult.
Maybe the bitch will learn not to stab little girls to death.

Oh well.
Decide for yourself.
I'm just gonna go make a sammich.



November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving: Back with a Vengeance

Fuck this holiday.
What's the point anyway?

Pilgrim:: Hey, naked savage.
Native:: Welcome to our land. Would you like some corn?
Pilgrim:: No, but I will gladly rape you and give you lots of diseases.
Native:: .... What?
Pilgrim:: Yeah. Now bend the fuck over.

Yeah. Real nice holiday you got there.
But alas, it wasn't all bad.
Got a surprising call from my sister.

Me:: What.
Sister:: Are you coming over?
Me:: Is the slagwhore there?
Sister:: No. She couldn't make it.
Sister:: No, I mean it. She's not here.
Me:: You're lying. She's there. I can feel it in the force.
Sister:: Charlotte, mom's not here. She didn't have the money to make it out.
Me:: Your Jedi mind tricks will not work on me. You just want me to think she's not there.
Me:: Get me in your confidence, that's it. Well no, missy. I refuse.
Sister:: Okay, how about this? Drive over here. You'll see that her car isn't here.
Me:: She's smart. She wouldhave parked somewhere. Or gotten a new car or something.
Sister:: Fine. No cranberry sauce for you.
Me:: ..... D:
Sister:: See you in 10, then?
Me:: I hate you.
Sister:: I know.

So yeah, I drove down and, naturally, the woman's car was not there. But I didn't trust it.
So I drove around the street, even checked the park nearby, all to make sure she wasn't there.
Didn't spot her shitty truck anywhere.
So I go to the house and as soon as I reach the front door, I remember something.
I don't know what her new car looks like.

So I'm looking down the street, seeing all these foreign cars around.
My heart was racing.
They got me.
They fucking got me.
My sister answers the door.
I step inside...
She wasn't there.
I swear, it felt like finding Jesus under a rock.
[That fucker is harder to find than Waldo on Godmode.]
You know, the last page where EVERYONE is dressed as Waldo?
Hated that page.

So, 4 turkeys later, I go to my best friends house.
We ride four-wheelers.
Made fun of drunk people.
Cut up shirts to make them look like they belong in the 70's.
You know.
Normal Thanksgiving stuff.

Oh, and we watched a movie that failed.
Failed pretty hard.
It was another one of those prophecy movies with shitty acting.
The plot made no sense.
My brain turned to mush.
If you're interested, which I know you're not, it's called the Celestine Prophecy.
Pretty fail.

Well, until people annoy me again.

Thanksgiving has never been so hard.

Well hello imaginary friends that I like to think read my blog.
Aw, who am I kidding. Not even Bubbles and George would read this.

At any rate, it's Thanksgiving and I swear to god, it's the worst I've ever had.
And it's only 12 in the afternoon.

What makes this so terrible, you don't ask?
Well, allow me to explain.

My father is out of town and I've been living with my best friend and her family for about a week.
I've got my older sister and her boyfriend wanting me over for their dinner.
And I've got my best friend who wants me over for her mother's dinner and her father's dinner.
[Yay, divorce.]
And then I've got another friend who wants me over at her house for dinner and to stay the night.

But aside from all these choices I can make, I've just received the worst news in the world.
My mother is coming to town for my sister's dinner.
I can tell you where I don't want to be;
Anywhere within 50 miles of this woman.

Now I know, I know.
"She's your mother! It's Thanksgiving! That's terrible!" Blah blah blah blah.
The thing *you* don't know about my mother is that I'm pretty sure the alien in the Alien movie was based off her.

I know what you're thinking;
"She can't be that bad."
No, sir. You are very wrong.
This is the woman who gave birth to me, and then tried to sell me to a man she met on a BDSM website when I was 4 or 5.

Alien:: He's from Child Services, sweetie, it's okay.
Me:: Then why does he want me to take off my clothes?
Alien:: He wants to make sure your father hasn't been beating you.
Me:: But you're the one who hits me. Not dadddy.
Alien:: Please don't be difficult, just do as he says.
Me:: Fine.
Alien:: And when your father comes back from overseas, let's keep this to ourselves
Me:: Sure. Whatever you say, slagwhore.

So I go out into the living room, clad in my Barbie underwear, and stand in front of the man.
I knew from the moment I saw him, there was no way this bastard was from CS.
First of all, he looked exactly like all the child molesters portrayed on TV.
Secondly, he was licking his lips and looking at me like a homeless man staring at a T-bone.

So he starts telling me to pose, and all this other weird shit, before concluding that I look to much like a boy.
I've never let my hair grow back out after that.

But back on topic;
So she's coming to town. Wants to see me, all this jazz.
But worst of all, she knows I'm moving in with my boyfriend this weekend and I know just how eager she is to stop that.
Like she has any right.

Me:: Sure, mom. I'll come live with you.
Alien:: Really?!
Me:: Yup. As soon as you pay up for the 6 birthdays and Christmas' you got my sister a gift but not me.
Alien:: RAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Me:: Next year, then?

Now I'm not trying to say she was a terrible, rotten, no-good whore of a woman.
But a lot of my blogs, you'll find, will have a little story with her attached to it.
You could say her fucked up way of life has taught me what NOT to do in situations.

But the worst thing about this woman is that she denies anything she did when I was a kid.
And anything she obviously remembers, she thinks she was in the right.
Woman is bat-shit, people.
And she's close... I can feel it....

Me:: I think we'll need a bigger boat.
Brody:: I don't think that line works here, Char.
Hooper:: A for effort, though.
Me:: Stfu and get back in my head.

Well, I'll try to stick it out for the rest of the day.
If the story develops, I'll let you know.
Until then.

November 25, 2009

First Post; I hate freshmen.

Hello everyone out there on the internet, my name is Charlotte Anne and I am fascinated by people on a daily basis.
And no, that is not a good thing.
This blog is going to consist mainly of my rantings directed towards those unsuspecting people.
Oh, and my "friends."
They'll never see it coming.
Until someone links them here.

I would like to start off, first and foremost, by saying that I don't like people much.
And it has nothing to do with me trying to be different or sticking it to the man.
It's because the people I encounter are generally very, very stupid.
Allow me to give you an example;

I'm a Senior in high school currently, and I'm truly amazed at the stupidity of the freshmen at my school.
For instance, the lunch scene;

Me:: Does anyone at this table know what time this lunch period ends?
Freshman:: Time for you to get a watch.
Me:: .... What?
Freshman:: You've never heard that joke before?
Me:: I've never heard someone fail that hard before. My ears are fucking ringing.
Freshman:: What?
Me:: I know the time. I want to know what time this lunch ends.
Freshman:: Then why would you ask what time it is?

Are you there, God? If so, how the fuck was this guy able to survive childhood.
Surely he would have attempted to drink the blue liquid under the sink.
He must have been stoned out of his mind because it was like he couldn't even hear me.
Face, meet palm.
Until people annoy me again,